What is what to do when kids don't listen?

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When Kids Don't Listen: A Guide for Parents

It's a common struggle: you ask your child to do something, and...nothing. Or worse, resistance! Before you lose your cool, consider these strategies.

• Understand the "Why": Sometimes, children don't listen because they don't understand what's being asked. Make sure your instructions are clear, simple, and age-appropriate. Consider also that they might be testing boundaries, seeking attention (even negative attention), or distracted by something else. Knowing the underlying reason can help you tailor your response.

• Positive Reinforcement: Catch your child being good and reward that behavior. Praise specific actions rather than just saying "good job." For example, instead of "Good job," say "I noticed you put your toys away without me asking, thank you!".

• Clear Expectations: Establish clear rules and consequences, and make sure your child understands them. Post them visually if necessary, especially for younger children. Be consistent in enforcing these rules.

• Active Listening: Before you give instructions, take a moment to connect with your child. Acknowledge their feelings. For example, if they're playing, say, "I see you're really enjoying playing with your blocks." This validates their experience and makes them more receptive.

• Give Age-Appropriate Instructions: A toddler requires entirely different communication strategies than a teenager. Break down tasks into smaller, manageable steps for younger children. Offer choices whenever possible to give them a sense of control.

• Consequences and Discipline: When your child doesn't listen, follow through with pre-determined consequences. Consequences should be logical, related to the misbehavior, and delivered calmly. Time-outs, loss of privileges, or extra chores can be effective. Avoid yelling, physical punishment, or threats.

• Be a Role Model: Children learn by watching us. If you don't listen to your child or others, they're less likely to listen to you. Model the behavior you want to see.

• Consistency is Key: Both parents and other caregivers need to be on the same page about rules and consequences. Inconsistent parenting can be confusing and undermine your efforts.

• Offer Choices (When Appropriate): Providing choices can empower children and make them feel like they have some control. For example, "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after you put on your pajamas?"

• Reduce Distractions: When giving instructions, minimize distractions. Turn off the TV, put away your phone, and make eye contact with your child.

• Seek Professional Help: If chronic disobedience persists despite your best efforts and interferes with your child's functioning at home or school, seek professional help from a pediatrician, therapist, or child psychologist.